Now if you remember my post towards the BIRTH of the leopardprintelephant blog on love, you will remember me discussing how illusive love is and how RIDICULOUS yet adorable the whole scenario is, but recently it has been an issue that I feel like I need to bring back to discuss with you because what’s not to love about the discussion of a global social norm and how it affects us all? (I know).
In 2016, and practically 2017, you would’ve thought that Love would be known as an inclusive, vast, deep and diverse word. You’d think that it would encompass thousands of people in the best ways possible. But is that what we are told to think? Do we actually NEED love to survive, or do we just think we do because Hugh Grant told us that once? What HAS love got to do with it?
Well Tina, love is here and love is there, isn’t it. There’s no escaping the constant desire for it, or the fact that you might have it in abundance, or none at all, but what I struggle with is why is love quantitative? Why is an emotion, a feeling, a desire, being measured? How can you measure love. It’s not something that can be measured with a ruler or in a beaker. It’s something that you feel and you feel it to certain degree, whatever that is. This links to my post on competitivity. Why do we even need to measure how much love we have? Like just take a good moment to think about that, because it’s true. You’ll do it without thinking about it. “How much do I like him?” “But do I like them THAT much to do this?” “Will they think it’s weird we’ve only been together for two months?” Like all of these things have a degree of “how much LOVE or FEELING is there?” and I find that odd. If you have feelings there, do something that you feel is appropriate no matter how long you have been together or no matter how much LOVE you think there is. Don’t worry that people will tell you that you’re doing something that’s “TOO MUCH” despite the fact you’ve been together for a week. Are they in your relationship? No. The only third person you want in your relationship is one that’s going to SPICE it up in the boudoir if you catch my WINTRY drift.
Now. Just like all social constructs and feelings and emotions in this world we live in, they’re made for white, rich, cisexual, heteronormative western people. So therefore when something happens that is not applicable to these situations, there is a hoo-hah, and a hooh-hah in many different ways. There is the “UGH GAYS” hoo-hah… she can just go and get over it. Then there’s the “Oh well why are people making a big deal get over it we GET it you’re gay, it’s not even a thing to shout about anymore” – which is also just as problematic as it’s forefather. Don’t tell people how to feel. This could be the first same sex relationship they’ve ever been in and they could’ve waited their whole lives to find someone, so LET them revel in the fact they can spend christmas with their loved one, sending same sex couples christmas cards and just being happy together. LGBTQIA+ refugees from all over the world finally being able to celebrate their love is amazing and they do not need you dictating and telling them how to feel when they’ve just got to a place where they can be themselves and escape persecution. However, what does bother me is the fact that the people who will moan that coming out and being LGBTQIA+ isn’t outrageous anymore, will subsequently in their lives still cause microagressions for the LGBTQIA+ community. Don’t sit there and moan that people are still making a deal out of coming out, whilst making stereotypical and harmful jokes about gay people. It doesn’t work like that. T H I S reinforces the idea that love is cis/het/white/rich normative. You don’t have to be a picket wielding, Donald Trump supporting facist to still make the world a white/straight/rich/cis/ place. Trans love is real. Multiracial love is real. Age gap love is real. Love between the classes is real. You’re not a fucking cherub with a bow and arrow. (Despite the amount of times I will call you ‘my cherubs’). You don’t get to decide who falls in love, and you also don’t get to decide what love is legitimate. Focus on yourself, focus on finding your truth, and let other people find theirs.
Falling in love in the LGBTQIA+ arena is not easy. Trans/Gender Non-Conforming people are constantly sexualised, fetishised and made to feel like dolls because they’re different. We are more than a category on pornhub. We are people. Living. Breathing. Loving. We are capable of emotion and capable of love, and the more people that actually REMEMBER that the better. People can get so caught up in trying to find out WHAT we are, they forget that under neath the gender expression that we all display, there is a PERSON with feelings, with emotions, with pain, with love and desire. Since when are some people in society LESS deserving of love? And there’s always a correlation with how the minorities in the world are some how less deserving of the love, and less deserving of the emotions and comfort that the “normal” people in the world have and receive. You can change this by showing love. Being more open minded when it comes to dating. Not being racist, not being transphobic, not being ableist or ageist. And it’s ok not to be attracted to someone, don’t get me wrong. But don’t just say you’re not attracted to a whole group of people because of what you THINK they’re going to be like. That’s ignorant. Also if you have friends who are LGBTQIA+ and are fed up with being single, be compassionate. Their situation is a lot different to the situation of Susan who has just broken up with her third boyfriend in 3 months. We literally feel like it will never happen, so think about what you’re saying and just be there. “It will happen one day” is a phrase we hear all the time and we know it’s coming from a good place but it’s not what we need to hear. To be honest for me there’s not a lot you can say, and that’s the problem with love. Although it is something that’s in your head, when you don’t have the physical presence of a partner to love you and BE with you, it’s hard to escape the fact that you’re single.
I think what this post has been is just me pouring out the feelings and thoughts that I have on love at the moment in the world that is ever changing and developing in terms of social politics and radical western ideologies. I’m kind of in a rut when it comes to relationships, and subsequent progress that I thought I had made hasn’t come to fruition. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to be loved, because although self love has its benefits and the self love is still there, it’s not a crime to want to be loved by someone, and I wanted to share that with people. Don’t let it make you feel incomplete. But also don’t lose hope. We live in a world where if you’re not in a relationship, you’re not complete, and for me it’s definitely one of the hardest social constructs to ignore and defeat, but just take one stiletto’d step at a time, and we will do it.
Lots of love,