Stop Being So Competitive

Now going to a University that features students from the fashion world, the business world, the art world and the photography world, there are high levels of competition from all angles. Whether it be in work, in what we’re wearing, in how far we have come as business professionals or just how many likes we grasped on our latest instagrams – competitivity is alive and is CERTAINLY kicking.

 

I am the least competitive person in the world in literally EVERY apsect of my life, and i’m here to tell you why I have found that that is a GOOD THING, and how you can be ambitious and achieve your life goals and aspirations, without being over competitive. There’s a line in Beyonce’s ‘Flawless’ in which Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie says how  g”irls are raised “to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or accomplishments which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men” which ALWAYS comes to mind whenever I think of the topic of being a competitive person because in part it is SO true. I say true, obviously every person has their own truths and their own falses (does that makes sense who knows and wHO has the time to CARE?) and for me, my truth is to realise that being competitive for me is not who I am and isn’t what drives me. Now this doesn’t negate the fact that Adichie’s statement isn’t INCREDIBLE valid and actually so true, because societally women are seen as something that can be thrown around between men as a prize or a token of their love and appreciation. Girls will fall out with each other and spawn rivalries and disputes with other girls OVER guys, showing how Chimamanda was completely true in her statement. Women should never feel like they’re a prize – the result of a competition between two men, of who can WIN the woman, because that’s not realistic and promotes such an unhealthy image of women into the patriarchal sphere that we call THE WORLD.

 

 

Being competitive for work/jobs/success is praised in the song, and is seen as something that is good for women and something that will boost their career in the long run, which for a lot of people is true, however let me tell you why I find it problematic. The very essence of being a competitive person revolves around comparing two or more people in a similar environment. Whether it be ‘traditional’ rivalry, such as in sports, or on The Chase, it harks back to the time of two or more people being AGAINST each other to win something. There’s always a loser, and always a winner in this homegrown, traditional set up. For me, I don’t feel the need to be in competition with someone for an outcome, because even the NOTION of competition creates an environment of ‘one of you will win and one of you will lose’. Take University reports and briefs. There’s always a constant “where are you at?” and “how much have you done?” and “she’s not done as much as her” and its FOUL. If this brief was graded on how fast you can do it, then I would understand the constant desire to see where everyone is up to, however it’s NOT. I couldn’t give a hooting HALLOUMI where Susan is on her marketing report? Just as I couldn’t care if Gloria hasn’t handed hers in yet. This cocktail of nosiness AND competitivity only a) distracts you from your work and b) creates an air of hostility amongst your colleagues. Focus on your work, set yourself deadlines, be your own boss. Don’t let other peoples strives and pace put YOU off completing your work to the standard that you know you can CREATE.

 

chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-009

 

 

In terms of relationships with people, again I adopt a similar mindset. If I feel like I have to compete for a relationship, whether it be friendship or romantic, I’m not going to fight to the death with someone to be in your life if you’re not a) doing the same or b) appreciating my time and my energy. Don’t force yourself into a situation where you can  become manipulated and exploited into working for a relationship, when they’re not going to do the same. I have been stuck in these scenario’s many times  before and all it does it make you feel like shit, and puts you in a position where you feel like a friendship is WORK and EFFORT when it should be carefree, safe, consensual and FUN.  A relationship can involve work and manoeuvrability, however if it’s a one sided situation, you need to reevaluate, for YOUR benefit. It’s not selfish to stop something if it’s making you unhappy or sad.

 

I think what i’m trying to say is, don’t feel like you need to take what i’m saying and print it on the walls and read it DAY BY DAY, with the occasional tea break. Like I have said, this is MY truth and this is how I want to live my life, in a competitive free world and environment. But what’s key about knowing your truth, is being able to accept others. I will happily accept if someone says they ADORE being competitive. I am just aware they might not be the person for me, or you can be platonic and work around that, if you mutually accept each others truths. Surround yourself with people who SUPPORT you and UPLIFT you, and with whom you can mutually accept each others truths for what they are. Competitivity isn’t for me, but it might be for  you, and the real message here is to analyse feelings, things, people and emotions, and really work out what works for you. Question things, question yourselves and question the people around you, because then you will be able to create an environment that is harmonious and healthy for ALL involved.

 

Thanks for all the love angels, make sure you let me know your thoughts and feelings below, or on instagram and twitter. Also HOPE you love the new layout I am LIVING for it.

Kind regards,

 

 

leopardprintelephant xoxo

 

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