Positivity is illusive and such an odd social concept that is used as an opium to make people feel better and make them feel like what they’re doing is worthwhile which, although true, can be difficult to come by – just like that Pokémon you’re trying to catch that’s just TOO far away for you to actually merit walking to go and get it. But what I want to highlight is that positivity is just that – a social construct. Something that is constructed by people for people to make them feel better in their day to day lives, and just like a lot of social constructs in society such as gender and masculinity – it doesn’t work for everyone and is not something you need to live your life by. Yes for some people being positive will really help and is something that they NEED to be able to get from one scenario to another and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s also nothing wrong with being completely disconnected to it. Let me run down my three top tips.
- Acknowledging your position
Think about the situation you’re in and think – will being positive now seem forceful, and is it going to harm me more to force it? Some situations that we find ourselves in can be scary, intimidating and even life threatening, so to just try and force yourself to be positive can be naïve and unsafe. Know your position. If you’re in danger, feel uncomfortable or at risk then it’s ok to retreat, walk away, leave and go. This isn’t defeat. You haven’t lost, and being overly positive in this situation could force you to stay in it, leaving you in a potentially stressful and unhelpful situation for your physical and/or mental health. You can be positive about the way you handled the situation, of course you can – but don’t blindside yourself by this and drown yourself in “you can do this” and “you’re being silly”. Take yourself out of the situation and observe from out of your being – are you in danger, are you uncomfortable, are you helping yourself?
2. Always try
Inherently positivity isn’t a bad thing. A device and process created to make you feel happier, brighter and more open about situations you have, will or are in. But, as I have said, it’s not always something that is viable and isn’t necessarily an option. However it’s important to try. Even if that means being in bed all day because you feel like you don’t want to leave and then – the positive light comes on – and you go and talk to your housemates and interact briefly – and then go back to bed. Or even just the thought of wanting to try and do something that you wouldn’t normally do and the notion in your head of “yeah lets try this” is enough. Your mindset is changing, your brain is expanding and acclimatising itself to thoughts that it hasn’t before, and that can be all it is. There isn’t a positive scale. It’s not like ‘oh you’ve been positive enough today so therefore you’ve been positive’ – it’s up to you how much your positivity exudes to eventually fill your positivity test tube for that day. It’s yours, and all you can do is try. You can try and decide it’s not for you and that’s ok – it’s not for everyone. That leads me onto my final tip.
3. It’s not for everyone
Never feel guilty for not being a positive person. Never let people tell you you’re a bad person for not being positive. Positivity is like coffee. Some people will love it and will wake up every morning and have a delicious amount of it and it’ll get them through their day. They need it. Some people might have some half way through the day and not really think about it, and it’s just incorporated in their day unknowingly. Some people hate it and feel like it’s bad for them, and instead prefer green tea because that works for them. It’s not a one quick fix. Society idolises it and puts positivity on a pedestal as the thing that everyone should aspire to be, however it’s not a magic pill that’s going to sort out everything. Work to your own pace. Work at your own level, and if you’re in a position where you feel like you need to try and be positive, then use it to your advantage, but as I have said, it’s not going to work for everyone and the stigma around people NEEDING to be positive in order to enjoy situations in their life isn’t inclusive of people in which positivity isn’t an answer.
For me, positivity is enriched in me and is something that I try and use to a degree. Yellow, in itself is the colour of positivity. It can be seen as a defence mechanism sometimes, because it can be easier to be positive and portray that as a face than to be like “yeah sorry guys I feel like shit, can we not” however as I stated in my first point, this is something that can be unhealthy and it needs to change. I need to change on that respect, and not feel guilty or bad for being like “sorry guys I don’t want to do anything today, and I don’t want to force positivity out of me like the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube”
lots of love my cherubs,