Welcome back to my humble abode, I hope you have been well. Today’s post is different to my other posts, and i’m going to start by saying that I want this post to be shared as much as possible and I want to make people aware and conscious of their actions, whether purposeful or not, I just want to be able to broaden peoples minds even the slightest with this post so just as a disclaimer, try and share this as much as possible!
Living in an area that is predominantly Tory, white, elderly and prosperous was never something that primarily sat well with me. It still doesn’t. Living in a place where the elderly and previous generations have more control over your own future than you do was not only uncomfortable, but barbaric. It made me realise that my future was in my own hands and people who think they know what’s best for me who don’t even know me are not going to dictate how I spend the rest of my life. Around this time, I was moving to Uni and I moved away and had honestly one of the most exploratory years of my life. It opened my eyes, not just style wise, but opened my own eyes to my own advances and what I was actually capable of. Before Uni the thought of living with 5 other strangers was not the vibe I was going for. I wanted to live in a one bedroom flat, ensuite, maybe with a view of a cherry blossom tree and a lil balcony (?? same ??), however living with 5 other people, ignoring my relationships with them, showed me what I could do. I could learn a whole new set of skills that would make me a more confident, fun and essentially a HAPPY person.
I have moved back home from my first year of uni now, writing this drinking tea and eating toast in town thinking about how this time two weeks ago I was moving out of my flat and packing my life into the boot of a car seems alien. The difference that I have noticed in myself in just two weeks is ridiculous. I don’t feel the same freedom which I once had, which, to be fair is granted due to the fact that I am again living in a house with 3 other people for 4 months and not in my own area. It’s just not the same and I don’t feel as able to be myself with no limitations, and I mean it doesn’t prevent me from doing what I want to do, it just makes the after affects and the overall process revolting and deflating. I am drained, I am moody, I actually annoy myself because I give people the satisfaction that they’re looking for when they’re being ridiculous on the street, whereas over the past 8 months I have felt less need to do that. I guess what this post is just a message to people to grow the fuck up.
Yes Dorchester is a small minded, slow town and YES no matter how many PEOPLE tell me and however many TIMES they want to tell me in their patronising tones that “it’s just not the place for you” – you can’t escape the fact that I LIVE HERE. I think what my main issue is, inherently the people of Dorchester, if you were to ask them face to face, do you support people being 100% themselves and doing/wearing whatever they want to – 99% of people would say yes. However when this situation actually materialises and they see people doing what they’ve just condoned and supported, it’s another story. It’s the whole “not in my back yard” ethos like “yeah you go do that but not where anyone can see it”. I will not filter or compress myself to your cisgender binary standards just so you can walk down the street and feel comfortable because the only person making you feel uncomfortable is yourself. I am walking. That is all I am doing. You do not need to:
- Take Photos/Film
- Do the ‘look at that’ eye
- Throw things
It sounds ridiculous but it happens on a literal daily basis. And it’s not even that i’m trying to sit here and make a huge pity party, i’m doing it to highlight the fact that millions of gender non-conforming and transgender people around the world are victims of this secondary and hidden treatment every single day. It’s so cruel because it’s something that can SO easily be depicted as “oh I was just looking at you” or “oh its my opinion I just think you look bad” or if you react badly, you will come off looking like the menace here, when it’s actually that you’ve just reached your daily limit of being a science experiment.
I don’t mean to come across as aggressive in this and if I do then I apologise however I just want people to be AWARE of how difficult it can be for people who even slightly stray from the binary, and how peoples actions can be so small to them but so big to us. You don’t need to stare, you don’t need to look at my chest/crotch to see ‘what I am’, you don’t need to take a photo of me without my permission to show your mates to get a laugh. You need to be kind, be understanding, be friendly, be compassionate, be giving, be loving and just be aware. I’m not asking you to see me and act like you’re walking on egg shells because that is almost as bad as people being judgemental. If there’s one thing that I support whole heartedly is if you’re unsure on someone’s gender identity, and subsequent pronouns, or if you feel like you need to ask a question that is relevant and non-intrusive then ASK. Asking is so much easier than watching someone try and talk to you and try not to be offensive because they essentially end up treating you like a broken vase, trying to be ever so gentle, but not getting anywhere. As long as your question is relevant and justified then ASK people.
This has been a long time coming and I just felt the need to vent and get what I wanted to say out, and not to try and make anyone feel bad, but to highlight the plight of millions of people every single day, living their lives, shopping, working, living having to deal with peoples ignorance and naivety. Be kind to people, smile at people, hug people, compliment people, because we are all more than a gender, however if your gender is a large part of your identity, then let it flourish. With all the anti-trans legislation, bigotry and discrimination across the US at the moment, take a moment to think about how for so many people, living their lives is quickly becoming an illegal act. Take a second to think about how going to the toilet, something as simple as that, could end up with people of the trans community being imprisoned.Take a second and think, and try and spread happiness and joy.
Lots of love,