I feel like this post has been SO long awaited and people have asked me to write about it so this is the week that it’s appearing on your electronic devices.
My first exposure to the idea and concept of gender in a deeper level was during sociology in my A levels. Our units focused on different life topics, such as family life, education, religion and the criminal justice system, and each topic focused on the different variations these life experiences had on both men and women (at this time I was only really aware of those two genders and those were the only two we learnt about mainly), and how they were affected from different sociological perspectives eg) Marxists, Feminists, Functionalists. This was my first introduction to gender on an educational level, before this people had asked me what I identified as but i’d never really felt like it was an issue or a point of discussion for me. Honestly though, sociology was SUCH an important subject for me, and was more than a subject. It was an education essentially of life, and people, and why people do things and what affect this has on the world and the people in it. It was the first subject that hasn’t actually felt like a subject if you get my drift. It felt like I had been sent to life bootcamp and I was getting taught everything you needed to know ever. It showed me about expression, individuality, and how this has evolved over the years and how there are progressive post modern people who believe in the same world that I believe in.
So many people at the moment describe the past year and a half as a ‘gender trend’ on social media, and how it has evolved essentially into a fad. Something that makes you look individual and ‘trendy’. These people are clearly ridiculous and boring af due to the fact that they see any form of trend or change in society as a ‘hipster invaded instagram driven movement’ – however what it actually is is the new generations being open and expressive with themselves and people putting themselves out there. People are more open to themselves, and their interpretations of themselves in the world. This explains why people see all the ‘new genders’ (they’re not new they’re just finally being given a voice) as fads or trends due to the fact that they’re new and people are discussing them openly and being vocal finally about themselves was such a foreign concept over the past few decades. Gender is personal. It is different for everyone like a cute lil snowflake, and is limitless and never ending. It’s something that is between your ears and not what’s between your legs.
For me, I never questioned my gender until University when my style and expression again changed and developed. Being surrounded by social media, where the people that I follow are as expressive and individual as they do please, it prompted a debate with in my mind as to if I were to label myself, what would I be and where would I fall? After much research and thought about labels and their relevance in my life, I decided non-binary and gender queer fit me like a glove. That’s the thing about labels, they can make you feel solace and comfort, but also don’t define you. You find the label and make it fit for you. Make it your label and make it unique. I received a warm response to my identification, however some people were discussing with me that the idea of labelling myself as essentially genderless and in between two genders was wrong. People discussed with me that they thought that the idea of me being a guy but not giving a fuck and wearing clothes that were “made for the opposite gender” (snore) was just something that was me, and that I was a guy who wore what he wanted. What confused me about this was this assumption presumes that the clothes I wear and the way I present myself to the world was more important than what I actually felt on the inside, and how I identified in my head. I fall under the transgender umbrella and I am PROUD to say that.
Even six months ago did I think I was going to say that, hell no, however things change and people grow and at this moment in time I feel happy with the fact that I can talk to other NB people, and discuss fellow issues that occur and any questions I have because I am essentially new to the community. It’s so fun and fulfilling to be around people who are sensitive and AWARE both online and in real life.
The Future? At the moment, pronouns are the next thing on the table in my mind to be discussed. He/Him, They/Them King/Queen ? Who knows. Being called him doesn’t really sit well with me (I kind of screw my face up a bit when people say it) but also She is totally not the right pronoun either. Online and in person, They/Them is mocked heavily because it’s seen as being ‘Too PC’ and not real (eg) Stephen Fry saying we live in a world where we are wrapped in cotton wool and trigger warnings/pronouns are too pc). I think what cis people do not realise is that it’s fucking confusing to question your gender, because it’s something that you still try and fit into. NB is one of the most confusing due to the fact that a lot of people don’t see it as real, and think it’s a waiting room for trans people who are eventually going to transition into either a trans man/woman, however this again just reverts back to my point that we live in a cisnormative world. You’re either a man or a woman, whether that be a trans woman or a trans man, you need to be either one. This is poppy cock, and we all know it, so if you’re venturing into defining your gender at the moment, don’t ever fee like you need to slot into a male/female category, because this is untrue (as I said at the start of this post, gender is personal and what you make it, like a cute lil snowflake falling from the sky, it’s one of a kind).My pronouns will change soon I can feel it in my waters, and whether or not people use them is their issue at the end of the day. It’s not selfish to want to be called by a pronoun that makes you feel comfortable, however there’s a certain degree of realising to some people even changing pronouns and not being called him/her is confusing as fuck, so there is an adjustment period for people around you I guess.
At the end of the day, you just need to be happy. If you’re happy identifying as a unicorn with prince/princess pronouns then you own that. Gender is a snowflake and every single one is different, but when they all fall and are complete, they create a beautiful snow covered land where everything is beautiful and flawless. If you’re struggling with your identity or pronouns or any aspect of your sexuality at the moment, do not hesitate to comment or DM me on social media, because you should never be alone ok! If I were to give any advice to anyone who was thinking about coming out or thinking about defining their gender, make sure you surround yourself with supportive and open minded people, and NEVER feel bad about dropping toxic, ignorant people in your life. You need support at this time because you’ll have like 234991 questions and want them either answered, or be able to vent them to your nearest and dearest, so your company is very important.
You got this,