Now, we are all guilty of looking back at pictures of ourselves from like 4961 years ago and wanting to inadvertently reach into the phone and just clean up your eyeliner because it was THAT atrocious, however recently i’ve learnt reflection should always be a positive experience.
Hark back to maths lessons with me for a second (trust me on this) and just remember when you got handed back your test and you’re like at 60% and you’re like oh ok, you read your tutor notes and then the next test you ace it and then walk home and treat yourself to some custard creams yes???? Ok so this is what we should be doing when we look back on ourselves and think about the things we’ve done that now upon reflection we are like ??????????????? at!
I found myself recently having a scroll (and I mean a scroll because I post a lot on my instagram oh my god) and I firstly was shocked that I left the house with some of the make up that I had on my face, and also potentially regretted some of my outfit choices, but I then thought ‘why am I turning this walk down memory lane into ‘the roast of jamie windust?’ and I used it as a point of reflection. It was exactly like I depicted with the maths test, but just with more contour and messy eyebrows. It was a point for me to look back and think ‘in this moment I was happy and enjoyed this look’ and that is something that is so important to remember. Have conviction in your decisions. At that point in your life, you were happy with that. And know that you can only progress and get better. It made you feel confident and made you feel like you looked head to toe drop dead GORGEOUS and what’s wrong with that? NOTHING!
Like me a year ago, I had been wearing make up for like a year properly and had only just discovered that I suited eye make-up so I was tentative with it and didn’t want to glam it up too much ( I KNOW WTF????) but like at the time I didn’t feel unconfident with how I looked at all and that’s a form of solace for me. I was still learning how to apply make up to “norms” so I was aware that I didn’t want to go all in with wings, fleek brows and smokey eyes because I wanted to progressively learn. I am a perfectionist and only really try things if I know it’s going to look 10/10 and make me feel 100% confident, however this is changing as I get older. Even now I am learning, since being at uni The Twins (baes) have changed my make up so much just learning and seeing what other people do is enough to change my face, and don’t forget that make up comes off at the end of the day so it’s always a reversible and progressive process. (A quote from my make up mother PatrickStarrr )
Still at this stage I didn’t know a lot about gender and identity but it wasn’t something a year ago that I had thought about or was it something that immediately bothered me, but it was definitely something that I knew was fluid and was going to develop, and lone and behold it did and I am now here as an identifying genderqueer/non-binary babe!
I was working and doing my A – levels at this point which was I can honestly say, was one of the worst experiences of my life, but was necessary for me to progress and move to where I am now. Doing something that you have no passion for is so draining and a battle to find scrapes of motivation at the bottom of the barrel ensued, but Sociology was my saving grace, however small, I made it through, and am now studying something that’s vocational and interesting to me, and actually something I can see a future for me in. Anyone going through A – levels now, good luck and stay positive and remember that it’s not the end of the world if you don’t do as you are predicted or aspire to do because you are a PERSON. A lil human bean worth a lot more than a grade so don’t let ANYONE ( and that includes yourself ) tell you otherwise ok!
Now I am studying Fashion Management and Marketing, have lived for nearly 8 months on my own in a new town, with new people and a completely new atmosphere, and have nearly completed 6 Briefs at university, and so many new opportunities are coming my way! Something SO EXCITING has happened recently that I hope follows through that is SO amazing I am so excited to hopefully share this with you in the next few months so keep your eyes peeled… !!!!!
However, my style has grown, my identity has flourished, and this is because I use the past to progress. My blog recently has become such a venting place for me to feel like I am reaching out to people and your love has been amazing so thank you! Times are still hard but I am doing something I love, and I am moving on in life. I am 19 in 9 days and I am so ready to see what this year will give me!
Ok you’re at the end of this blog post, what do you do next I hear you scream? GO FOR A SCROLL! Go onto your instagram or your twitter or go through your facebook profile pictures and reminisce and grow. Rememeber how you felt when you took the picture and posted it and whether it’s good or bad, use it to your advantage. DO IT. Make sure you enhance yourself into your best self for the future for your own benefit because as I said in my previous post ‘The Illusive L World’ – you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life so make sure you’re the best you that you can be, no matter how long it takes. Positivity isn’t always the answer, and for some people it’s not an option which I understand and appreciate, but just keep going because you never know what tomorrow will hold ok!
Love you and thank you for reading